Christmas 2019

So this will be the very first Christmas without my mother here on Earth.  I made it through Thanksgiving thanks to all of my family and friends- reminding me that she is in a better place.  Her spirit was definitely with us but the void was there too.  Now Christmas is here and her Christmas spirit is all over me.  I got the tree up immediately after Thanksgiving and have been blessed to buy for all of my tiny second cousins, niece, and other family members and friends.   I’ve been wrapping Christmas presents and went to a jazz nativity Christmas worship service last night with some family/friends.  I’ll be writing Christmas cards soon and finishing up the wrapping.  Going to make my mama’s green bean casserole for Christmas day.   It will be her’s because I will add her famous nutmeg to it.   I’m so thankful to still have my Nana and Poppy this year and pray that we will get through the season together.  Foster is growing up and I pictured his little brother, Amos.  Foster was too jealous to keep him. I wish you could have seen it.    I miss that little orange cat and wish Foster would not have bullied him but I’m hoping he is in a better place now, too.   I sure do miss my mother, she was so beautiful inside and out.  I’m still working on getting her marker for her gravesite paid for because I can’t wait for that to be there and have a good place to put flowers for her.  It’s just so hard to believe she’s gone.  It’s actually too hard to believe so my mind and heart have just gone into survival mode where I know it’s true, but I have this strength which I know is from God, too, to keep going.  I have two more exams before the end of the semester and I am praying that I make it.  When I see keep going-  passing these exams is part of it.  Since June, my goals, dreams, hopes have gone numb but I have kept going.  It’s just hard to dream up things and set smart goals when I’m literally just trying to make it through the day.  Right now, the dream and the goal is just to graduate.  What comes next will have to be decided afterward.  So for now, I’ll keep going in the spirit of my mother, the spirit of the Lord, and the spirit of hope.  Merry Christmas everyone.  May the spirit of the Lord be with you.




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