Blogging is something I am committed to now. It’s something that is mine. There is a lot that it entails for me- like finding my place. When I say finding my place, I mean being comfortable at my desk. I used to have a desk, a few actually, that became my happy place. I haven’t had that in a long time. Although my desk looks perfect, I’m still not comfortable there. I don’t know what it is exactly. I bought this desk from someone on Craigs List who actually became one of my dearest friends. It’s even a Pottery Barn desk! I have the drawers immaculately organized, the most beautiful lamps, my mother’s picture, my niece’s picture, and my mother’s favorite perfume on it. I have the cutest pencil holder and the paperweight that reads “dream big work hard”. Everything is in its place except for me. I am highly affected by my environment. If it is chaos, I am chaos. There are other parts of my apartment that are chaos for me. Namely, my dining room. It used to be the perfect place to eat but once again, I’ve turned it into an office/recreation room. It’s a good place for me to work when I work from home so it just makes sense for me to utilize it the way I am right now. It’s even a place I’ve made for me to sit down and write thank-you notes. I just wish I had a big enough “office” space to do all of these things- blog, write thank-you notes, work from home, do my school work, handle my bills, etc. It’s just not like that right now similar to my life. I am at a crossroads between Greensboro and Charlotte. My family is in one city and my work life and everyday life is in another. I just don’t feel settled in one place in all aspects of my life. Which to me feels like utter chaos. However, I realize sometimes the most beautiful beginnings and endings are made from chaos. Not only do I have no choice but to embrace it, I’m kind of excited about it. It gives me something to really think long and hard and about. It gives me something to really create- a new life for myself. What I create needs intention but I have a feeling that it is going to be a surprise in the midst of my intention. Trusting the journey sounds easy but it is so, so hard. I used to call the journey a process and trusted it. I can see how much I’ve grown when I stop and realize that it is not really a process after all. It’s not black and white. It’s very grey but grey and purple are my favorite colors.
It’s all going to be OK. I’m going to find my place and I have a feeling that I am going to do it through blogging. Stay tuned. I’ll be at my desk soon!