Bringing it All Together

How does one mix having deep affirmation for the 50’s and the 21st century at the same time? I’m figuring out what that looks like but mostly I want to be self-sufficient and independent.  My mother tenaciously lived an independent life.  Even when she was married, she still lived so independently- most everything she did was on her own. jogging, boxing, shopping, cooking, working- these are all things she had the desire to do regardless of her counterpart’s interest.  She did it and she did it big.  I admired her so much and even after her death, I admire her so much.  I admire her for staying true to herself and always, always doing what was right for her and her children.  I don’t have any children *yet* ( I deeply desire to have kids one day) but I do have a cat and he brings out a lot of motherly instincts in me as well as the preschool class I used to teach (So glad I’m starting to teach the four year olds again in just a few weeks).  I took a break from my church and teaching the Sunday school preschool class when my mother got sick.  I took a break from everything and focused my whole life on her and what she was enduring.  I know I wasn’t there as much as I would have liked to be and I didn’t have the resources I would have liked to have to take care of her better but I did my best.  Being next to her every minute I got meant everything to me.  There was a time when I planned to take her to Graceland (she loved Elvis so much) but she was too sick to go.  She got to a place where it was hard for her to ride in the car for a long time or travel at all. She got to a place where she couldn’t do much but it didn’t stop her from knitting!  It was one of the coolest things in the world to come home to her and see her knitting in her bed. She knew I was having a hard time with life- understanding it, dealing with it, accepting it etc. Yet there she sat in her illness embracing the life she had.  It’s how she lived her life.  I can say that she was the most content person I have ever known.  Bringing it all together, there is a lot I want to achieve and do in my life but contentment is where the magic is.  After all, God tells us to be content in whatever state we are in and it brings me to tears thinking how content she was through her long battle with lung cancer.  Complacent, no.  Contentment yes.  When you are content, nobody can take that feeling, that being away from you and the rest is all extra.  It’s the bonus you always receive because you are already content.  Have goals.  Have ideas. Have a “to accomplish list” but don’t beat yourself up if you haven’t reached that goal yet.  Instead, find your place and be content there.  I can promise you that the rest will flow from there.  Happy hiking, happy running, happy writing, happy reading, happy baking, happy working to you! It will all happen, it will all work out.  That’s what my mother used to say and now I have no choice but to admire those words and now that she’s gone, I believe it.  I wish I could have believed it when she was still here.  So don’t wait until it’s too late. Be content and it will all come together.  In the end, all she wanted for me was to be happy so I’m determined to become it it in the midst of being oh so content.

be happy