Solitude

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When I moved to Nashville, the theme of my heart was solitude.  Not only did I find a home in Franklin, TN., I found two amazing roommates who exposed me to so much while I was there.  While I was barely making ends meet, I felt like I had the best bedroom in the world. It was big enough for me to have a sleeping and dressing place as well as a reading/writing nook.  It had a perfect place for my desk which was right in front of the window. That was my happy place.  When I woke up on a Sunday morning, I would make a cup of coffee, sit down, look out at the Franklin view, and write. After I would write, I would go to church and it was a church filled with people my age.  I was reading “The Happiness Project” by Gretchin Rubin at the time so a lot of my writing had to do with what my happiness project looked like.  I felt like I had to sort out my whole life before I could even attempt to create it hence starting the book of my journey.  My mother used to get so irritated with me wanting to analyze and sort everything out.  It’s like my life was this one big puzzle to solve and I can’t do anything until I solve it- sloooooow down Partner, that is no way to live!!  I can see just how much I have grown because looking back at that mentality, I can hear it sounding really selfish and I guess that’s what my mom saw all along.  But I genuinely feel as if I was coming from more of a stoic angle than selfish one.  There is a longing in my heart to make so many things right that I have no control over.  Accepting that now is very healing and accepting that solves the puzzle.

Well, it wasn’t solved when I lived in Nashville, so eight months later, I found myself right back in Charlotte.  I was making it work and made a trip to D.C. two years after I had been back.  The trip to D.C. was amazing because I just decided I wanted to go, packed my bags, drove to the metro and was on my way.  I was roaming around D.C. with my luggage, that is until I finally got to my hotel in Dupont Circle.  Dupont Circle is where my favorite yogini, author, blogger and activist lives and works. I finally got to visit her yoga studio and it really was such a blissful experience.  The yoga session I went to was at night so they put stars on the walls and we practiced in the dark.  Still to this day, it makes me want to invest in a sitting cushion. I can imagine how much that would still and slow my life down if I learned how to sit.  I did buy a tiny book at one of the book stores called “How to Sit” but four years later, it has made it’s mark as a treasure in my home instead of something I use on a day-to-day basis.  I did a lot while I was in D.C. One thing I will do different next time I travel is learn more about the transportation system!

Thankfully I made it back home safely.

Right now I am so thankful for my younger brother, Casey. He is pictured above.  That was the day of his boot camp graduation from the Marines. I wouldn’t have missed it if I had to sleep in a car (which I/we did)!!!  Long story but we made it, I made it, and that’s all that matters to me. I want to be there for his life, my sister-in-law’s life, my nieces’ life, and the rest of my family’s life.  I want to be there for my friends’ life, and I want to show up for mine.  I want to be there for others and volunteering at the Ronald McDonald House really did make the books for me.  A new chapter is on the horizon.  I’ll be blogging everyday.  Please comment along with me if anything I am saying resonates with you.

 

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